Something to Wake Up To
by DarthBubbles
Summary: Although she finally has Shepard back, she is still haunted by the memories of losing him the night of the destruction of the Normandy SR-1.   Shepley oneshot, Rated T for mild language


**A/N: I'm ALIVEEEEEEE! Sorry I've been gone for so long! I'm a terrible person! :'( BUT, I have been writing a ton off-line, and once it's all typed up, it's gonna be up here, don't worry. Thanks so much for sticking with me, readers! I love you guys! :) You're the reason I write in the first place, and I thank you for your continuous support. Unless, of course, this is your first time ever reading one of my stories- For that, I thank you for taking the time to read one of my little contributions to this amazing site. I hope you enjoy this and, if so, urge you to check out my other stories as well! :)**

**Love y'all!  
-Darthbubbbles**

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Thundering explosions wrenched her from the calm of sleep. Once more she was thrust into the chaos of battle. Chestnut colored eyes looked about the room frantically, struggling to identify the location. Memories of the night before, heated with passion, fueled her recognition. The captain's quarters. Next to her, where the captain should have been, was nothing but an indentation in the bed sheets. Gone. The wailing of alarms, the red flash of emergency lights, frantic orders over the comm- all signaled danger. She had to find

him.

_Armor was on in seconds, her footfalls light, hurried as she sprinted. Nearly running into people, all just as panicked as she was herself, if not more. Boots thudded against metal, stopping abruptly as she reached her destination. _

"_Where is he?" Tone was more demanding than she'd intended._

_Dry humor. "Who, your lover?" came the distracted reply. _Normandy_ banked; she stumbled but did not fall._

"_My _commander_," was her correction. Dark eyes glared at the pilot for mentioning what was meant to be secret._

"_Sending a distress signal to the Alliance." The answer was overdue, but better than not receiving one at all._

_She turned to find _him_. Glancing back: "Get to the escape pods, Joker."_

_Determination in his eyes as he glanced back. Head shaking. "I can save her."_

"_Don't be an idiot!" she growled. She had no time for this. "Get in the pod! Now!" The response was not waited for. She was running. As hard as she could. Back, down the stairs. Forcing her way through all the others running in the opposite direction. Her helmet came down over her face. No more emotion. She was a soldier now. _He_ came into her vision. _His_ name slipped from her lips in a cautious cry._

_Calmly, he turned. Handsome face covered. She still felt his loving gaze without seeing the eyes behind it. "Distress beacon is ready for launch," he reported._

"_Will the Alliance get here in time?" Refusal to let fear surface in her voice._

_An unexpected lurch threw her forward. Strong arms, wrapped around her waist, tightening as he attempted to show affection. "They'll be here." Gentle voice reassuring._

"_Joker's still in the cockpit." No emotion. All responsibility. "He won't abandon ship." Lump forming in her throat, torn between love and duty. "I'm _not_ leaving either." All emotion. Thinking with her heart._

_Helmeted head shaking slightly. "I need you to get everyone to the escape pods." This was why he was the leader. "I'll take care of Joker." Thinking with his head. Thinking with his heart. Responsibility. Emotion. Keeping her safe. Putting _his_ life on the line._

"_Commander…" Voice breaking. Did she dare disobey a direct order? No, she could never say no to _him_._

"_Ash, go." She lingered. His head turned. She felt the gaze again. "Now."_

_Her heart skipped a beat. For _him_. "Aye-aye." If she had known they were to be the last words she spoke to him, she would have said much, _much_ more._

_She turned. Down the stairs she ran, rushing crew into the escape pods. Praying._

Please get him out alive. God! Save him!

_The screams echoed through her mind. She kept her professional front against all odds. "Everybody in!" Orders from a lowly gunnery chief. "Go! Go! GO!"_

_She was the last in, the last to press the button. Her helmet unsealed at her touch. It was pulled over raven hair and dropped to the floor with a clatter that went unnoticed. Auburn eyes were locked on what was left of the cockpit. Hoping. Praying._

Bring him back, God.

_Red. Orange. Yellow. The colors lit the void of space momentarily with the explosion. A lone pod, rocketing across the star scape. Safe. A held breath was released, before he caught her eye. He floated through the wreckage. She watched. He was moving. But something was wrong._

_Struggle. Arms flailing, grasping at a throat unable to take in oxygen. Her breath caught in her throat. "No…"_

_He was invincible. He could not be broken. He was unstoppable. She was everything she wasn't and more. He couldn't die._

_Yet the movements ceased, the body became limp, and fell toward the planet below._

_He couldn't die._

_Yet he did._

_The first tear slipped down her cheek. "Oh captain, my captain…" she whispered, touching her fingers to the glass. Then, uncontrollable, agonizing, sobbing._

Ashley woke with a start, sweat drenching her body. Shivering as she pulled the sheets up over her bare skin, she began to let her dark eyes take in her surroundings, dimly lit by the blue glow of a giant fish tank.

She was once again in a captain's quarters, but the _Normandy SR-1_ was long gone. The _SR-2_ was much larger and luxurious, but it lacked the sense of community among the crew that its predeccessor did. Still, Shepard had been doing whatever he could to turn it into a home for her.

Shepard.

At the thought of the man, she whipped her head to the left, letting out a breath she'd been holding for God knew how long when she saw him. His eyes were closed, a serene look on his sleeping face. Breath came in and out of barely parted lips with a quiet whistle. One arm was tucked underneath his pillow, the other slung loosely around her wais. Ashley sighed, reaching her hand up to his face to trace with her fingertips the faint scars that served as a reminder of his second chance at life.

Green eyes opened at her touch, and he simply smiled at her and tightened his hold on her body. She tilted her head upwards, smiling as their lips met briefly. "Sorry for waking you, Skipper," she whispered.

He merely grinned and waved it off. "No big deal, Ash. You having trouble sleeping?"

"A little," she admitted, tucking a strand of raven hair behind her ear.

Shepard's face turned serious. "Not the nightmares again?"

Ashley attempted to smile reassuringly, running a hand through his short strawberry blonde hair. "They'll pass. With time."

He shook his head. "Ash, this scares me. The first night you woke up screaming... It hurt me- Knowing I couldn't do anything."

"It's getting better," she insisted. "I don't scream anymore."

"Why can't you just tell me what these dreams are about?

"It's my burden to bear," she replied. "I don't want to trouble you."

"Your burden to bear?" he repeated. "That's bullshit, Ash. We're a team now, remember? What hurts you hurts me."

Ashley sighed. "Fine, they're about you."

"Me?"

"The night I lost you. I keep reliving it in my dreams."

He pursed his lips. "You know I'm alive," he assured. "There's no need to feel that pain anymore."

"Skipper you have _no _idea how hard these feelings are to let go, You don't know what it's like to lose the one good thing to you in the galaxy, the only person who makes you feel like you're good enough!" Ashley wanted to smack herself. There was _no_ way she had admitted _that_ to him _again_.

"I lost my entire family when the Batarians attacked Mindoir," he said quietly. "And they're not coming back to life. I sent Kaidan Alenko to his death. No secret organization is going to put money into bringing him back. I watched civilians get cut down on Elysium- Civilians _I_ was supposed to protect. I watched the Collecters blow Jacob Taylor's head off right in front of me on that damn station. I know loss, Ash. You're all I've got left."

She was surprised to see tears forming in his bright green eyes- tears that caused wetness in her own chestnut eyes and brought a lump to her throat. "Shh," she soothed, brushing stubborn bangs out of his eyes. "Stop it. You're going to make _me_ cry, and then we'll _really_ have a mess." She succeeded in pulling off a smile, though her lip trembled terribly.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, grasping her hand beneath the sheets.

"Huh?" Ashley asked, utterly perplexed. "For what?"

"For dying on you. For giving the memories that fuel your nightmares in the first place. I mean, just imagining losing you brings the most intense pain I've ever felt. I can't imagine suffering like that for two years. Ant then re-experiencing that loss every night... Ash, I'm sorry."

She pressed her lips to his, putting as much passion into the kiss as she could- passion which was met with equal fervor by Shepard. "It's alright," she whispered, attempting to swallow the lump in her throat. "You give me something to wake up to."

_Fin._


End file.
